God General Shenanigans
by Phantom Tempest
Summary: When boredom strikes and insanity runs amok, will sanity ever return to Daath? A series of humorous oneshots put together in one story. Mainly God-General centric with occasional Van, Ion, and Anise appearances.


_In which a chair is stolen_

"Have you ever wondered what Dist looks like without his chair?"

Asch, who hadn't been expecting such a random question, stopped walking and shot a confused glance at the green haired God-General. "What are you getting at, Sync?" he asked. A huge grin spread across Sync's face as Asch asked this, and the sight of Sync smiling made Asch a bit uneasy. "Actually, I think I'm better off not knowing."

"Sorry, Aschy-poo, but I'm afraid I can't let you leave now. You already asked." Sync stated slyly. Asch couldn't help but shudder at the use of the nickname. Ever since Arietta had come up with it, none of the other God-Generals would let a day go by without using it at least once just to irritate the red headed God-General. "Anyway, I was thinking that since we have nothing better to do we might as well have a bit of 'fun' with Dist." Sync said.

"What sort of 'fun', Sync?" Asch asked after a long pause. The red headed God-General knew he was going to regret delving deeper into his companion's possibly insane idea, but it was too late to back out now that he'd gotten Sync's attention. The grin on Sync's face seemed to grow larger, and for a moment Asch toyed with the idea of Sync possibly flying away with such a huge grin. He was snapped back to reality when he felt Sync grab his arm and start to drag him down the hallway. Asch groaned; it was going to be a long day.

It seemed like ages before the two God-Generals arrived at their destination. "I swear, whoever designed all these stupid hallways to look alike was either insane or a masochist." Asch sighed. Sync normally would have agreed, but this time he didn't seem to hear Asch and appeared to be too busy looking for someone. Asch was about to question Sync's lack of attention when suddenly the faint sound of something flying, or rather floating, in their direction caught his attention.

"There he is." Sync said eagerly. At first Asch didn't see what Sync was getting excited over, but when he saw Dist come closer to the two of them Asch realized that Sync's earlier question of what the white haired God-General would look like without his precious chair didn't seem so random anymore. Asch couldn't help but continue to look back and forth between Sync's increasingly large grin and Dist's completely oblivious one. Before Asch had a chance to try and talk Sync out of whatever he was planning, the green haired God-General leaped up from behind the door he and Asch were hidden behind and knocked Dist, chair and all, onto the ground.

"Sync, what in the name of Yulia and Lorelei are you doing?" Dist shouted as Sync pinned him to the ground. Sync then glanced back at Asch, although Asch couldn't tell because of Sync's mask, and gestured with his head toward one of the many doors in the hallway.

"Quick, Asch, while I've got him pinned down I need you to get a rope!" Sync said quickly.

"Where in the name of Lorelei am I supposed to find a rope in the Daath cathedral?" Asch asked.

"I don't know, improvise or something!" Sync snapped in response. Asch gave Sync a blank expression as the green haired God-General continued to struggle with Dist. He wasn't quite sure what Sync had in mind now that he had knocked Dist out of his chair, but Asch decided it would be better not to further question Sync's motives. Without a word, Asch walked toward the door Sync had indicated and went inside the room. Moments later he returned with a rope he had found on the table inside the room.

"I don't know what you're planning, but here's your stupid rope." Asch grumbled. Sync took the rope without so much as a 'thank you' and quickly set to work tying up Dist. Asch took a couple of steps back as Dist started to try and break free of Sync's rope, but being the ninny that he was he was unable to get loose. Sync then stood up triumphantly and put his foot on the roped Dist with a victorious grin. "I swear if that grin of yours gets any bigger you're going to end up flying away." Asch said bluntly.

Sync, instead of responding to Asch's comment, handed the tied up Dist to Asch. "Here. Shove him in a closet so we can have our fun." Sync said.

"Are you serious?" Asch asked angrily. Sync seemed to be ignoring Asch as he carefully put Dist's chair back in an upright position, and Asch let out an irritated groan. "How do you expect me to throw someone taller than me in a closet?" Asch asked.

"You're a smart guy, you can figure it out." Sync replied.

"You know, I would really appreciate it if you untied me Asch." Dist put in. However, Asch was not amused by Dist's pitiful attempt at gaining freedom and without a word he dragged Dist toward the nearest closet. "I swear, when the Commandant hears about this you two are going to be in so much trouble!" Dist shouted angrily. Asch just rolled his eyes and shoved Dist inside the closet. Sync then came up beside Asch and locked the closet door. "I'm going to put this down in my revenge journal!" Dist hollered. Sync smirked as Dist said this and turned to Asch.

"All right, Sync, you've got me curious. What exactly do you intend on doing now that you've gotten Dist out of his chair?" Asch asked.

"We're going to go on a joyride, of course." Sync replied. At first, the response didn't register with Asch. However, when he saw Sync getting comfortable in Dist's chair Asch finally reacted.

"You are beyond insane!" Asch shouted. However, Sync didn't appear to be fazed by this statement, as a moment later Asch was hoisted up against his will onto one of the arm rests of the chair. "Okay, I take that back. You are way beyond insane!" Asch declared.

"Who cares? It's about time someone livened things up around here." Sync said with a grin. Suddenly, the chair floated into the air and an instant later Asch found himself clinging to his arm rest for dear life as the chair started zooming down the many hallways of the Daath cathedral. _If I make it out of this alive, I am so going to kill Sync. _Asch thought irritably.

It wasn't long before the two God-Generals encountered another of their companions as the chair flew into the library. Legretta was sitting at one of the tables in the middle of the library and was reading an unknown book. Asch found it odd that Legretta felt it was necessary to cover her books, but he didn't dare question the sniper God-General. Asch then glanced over at Sync again and nearly turned as pale as Ion when he saw the huge grin on Sync's face. "You're not thinking of getting Legretta involved in this little joyride of yours, are you?" Asch asked. Sync didn't appear to hear Asch and instead made the chair go in Legretta's direction. Just as Asch was about to go on a long rant about how insane the situation was getting Sync grabbed Legretta and hoisted her and her book on to the other arm rest. Legretta looked less than pleased.

"Sync, what is the meaning of this? I demand to know what is going on! How the hell did you get Dist's chair and where is Dist?" Legretta shouted.

"First off, it was boring today so I decided to liven things up. As for where Dist is, he's in a closet."

"Why in the name of Yulia and Lorelei is he in a closet?"

"Asch put him in there." Sync replied with a grin.

"Hey, don't bring me into this! It was your idea to lock him in the closet!" Asch snapped. However, Sync didn't seem to acknowledge Asch's response. The chair seemed to have slowed down a bit after Legretta got adjusted on the other arm rest, but it didn't seem to matter much as they had once again returned to zooming down the seemingly endless hallways with relative ease. "Fine, go ahead and ignore me. I suppose it doesn't really matter where Dist is anyway. I just hope you realize that if we add anymore people to this stupid chair joyride we might exceed the weight limit." Asch sighed. Both Sync and Legretta gave Asch a confused look that seemed to ask what weight limit he was talking about, causing Asch to smack his forehead in an annoyed manner. "I thought you guys knew that there was a weight limit."

"We had no idea." Sync stated casually. Asch just rolled his eyes and turned away from Legretta and Sync.

"Just don't worry about it, then. It's not that important." Asch grumbled. Legretta and Sync seemed satisfied with this response and returned to enjoying the ride. Asch, however, just wanted the day to end. It had gone on for much too long in the red headed God-General's opinion.

"Hey, Largo!" Sync suddenly shouted, causing Asch to snap back to reality. Asch only groaned when he saw Largo standing in the middle of the hallway, but he was relieved that it wasn't Arietta they had come across. There was no way that the twiggy little Sync could possibly pick up the massive Largo. Little did Asch know the author had other things in mind. Faster than Asch could say 'The Fon Master frequently falters in fonon use' Legretta and Sync leaned forward and grabbed Largo just as the chair swooped over him. The sniper and greenie struggled for quite a while before finally getting Largo adjusted to clinging the back of the chair for dear life.

"Is it too late for me to question the sanity of anyone here?" Largo asked.

"I think the fact that we're all riding Dist's chair through the hallways of a religious group's cathedral and not plotting to destroy the world should tell you something, Largo." Asch replied. He was amazed that the chair was even still able to fly after the addition of Largo. "Perhaps we ought to land now, Sync. I don't think it would be a good idea to add any more people." Asch said. Once again Sync ignored Asch and the chair was quickly going down the hallways as if it were perfectly normal for four God-Generals to be piled up on it. "I mean, really, is this safe?" the red head asked.

"Probably not, but it's fun." Sync replied. Asch grumbled irritably at this and began to wonder just what was going through Sync's head at that moment. He then noticed that the chair was starting to lose altitude, and he wondered for a moment if Largo was really comfortable clinging to the back of the chair. The thought of how twiggy little Sync and Legretta had managed to get Largo onto the chair in the first place flashed in the red headed God-General's mind, but he decided that with all the chaotic things going on that day it would be better not to question the logic of one event such as that.

It suddenly dawned on Asch that the chair was no longer flying through the cathedral and the odd looking chair had somehow made its way outside. Asch's jaw dropped and he prepared to start shouting profanities at the much younger God-General, but the sound of three people yelping stopped him mid swear. He quickly looked back and saw that Largo had somehow managed to grab Ion, Arietta, and Anise who, judging from the irritable expressions of the two girls, had just been in another argument about Ion. Judging from Ion's expression the young Fon Master, as usual, just wanted the God-General and Fon Master guardian to stop arguing over him. "W-What's going on?" Arietta asked.

"A joyride, and you three are now onboard as well." Largo explained. Asch's jaw dropped again. The fact that Largo, who was usually one of the more serious God-Generals, was actually going along with the insanity made Asch want to find a random tree and start beating his head against it. However, the red head was trapped on the crazy joyride and it didn't seem likely that he would be getting off of the chair without possibly injuring himself in the process of jumping off.

_Besides_, he thought, _knowing my luck I'll just get pulled back on to this stupid chair._

"Can we at least toss Gloomietta off the chair? Wherever we're going I don't want to go with her." Anise said grumpily. This remark earned a rather displeased expression from Arietta, but she was silenced by Ion before she could shoot any comebacks at Anise.

"Please, let's all just try to get along for the duration of this joyride." Ion said. This seemed to appease Anise and Arietta for the moment, and Asch let out a sigh of relief. Perhaps Ion could convince Sync to put an end to the insanity sooner than expected. Then again, Asch doubted that Sync would be willing to listen to Ion since he didn't exactly get along with the young Fon Master. "By the way, Sync, where are we going?" Ion asked suddenly.

"We're on our way to victory, of course." Sync replied. The others seemed appeased by this response, but it just irritated Asch. Finally, feeling that he couldn't stand the insanity any longer, Asch clutched his head and let out a cry of annoyance.

"Doesn't anyone even care that we're exceeding the-" Asch's cry was suddenly cut short by a sudden stop from the chair. The chair seemed to have developed a mind of its own, as the sudden stop was followed by the usual humming sound of the floating chair fading away to the point where it became inaudible. Finally, as if the chair was saying 'I've had enough of this nonsense', the chair crashed into the ground with a hard thud. As a result of the crash, the God-Generals, Fon Master, and Fon Master guardian were laying on the ground covered in the debris of the destroyed chair, and to add to Asch's annoyance he was at the very bottom of the pile. "…Weight limit." Asch groaned.

What seemed like an eternity passed before Asch was finally able to get up. Unfortunately for him, Dist had somehow managed to find a way out of the closet he had initially been locked in and he was standing over the red headed God-General with a very enraged expression on his face. Asch's eyes widened slightly and the thought that Dist looked incredibly awkward standing there in front of him came to mind, but he decided it would be better to not say that in front of Dist. "Well, at least I'll be able to tell Sync that Dist looks very awkward without his chair." Asch muttered.


End file.
